Changing your mindset through positive coaching
Do you feel your life constantly runs at the mercy of others? Time and time again, something happens to you that impacts your ability to shine and be that awesome person you know you are inside?
Do you feel you are living at the effect of other people’s agendas and events, and that life is impacting on you rather than you on it? You are running late again – is it because the bus wasn’t on time, the car wouldn’t start, the kids were acting up or that tradie you needed was overdue? By the time you get to your destination, you are distracted, flustered, annoyed and embarrassed.
It wasn’t YOUR FAULT!
Maybe you are finding your relationships are strained; your mother-in-law insists on giving the kids junk food when you have politely asked her not to; your work colleague is skiving off again; the house is a mess and it comes back on you to sort it out. You have become resentful, angry, exhausted and it takes a mammoth effort to control your temper at these people around you.
This is perfectly normal!
Above & Below the line
Let me introduce you to the concept of ‘above and below the line’. Every day, we all encounter situations where we can choose to react either side of this imaginary (yet very powerful!) line. Sometimes we will take the high road, other times our base instinct will kick in and we will stumble. It is human nature, but it is important to understand why we think like this to foster successful habits, build on your prosperity mindset and live a more fulfilling life.
Our brains are hardwired from the dawn of creation to switch into fight or flight mode whenever there is a perceived threat, however, these days we do not often find ourselves being chased by a wild animal, but what comes under threat is our ego or personal identity from outside influences. Our limbic brains can’t tell the difference – we react and get defensive just as we would if we were about to become lunch for a sabre tooth tiger!
This reactive thinking is known as ‘below the line’. It is survival mode.
Unfortunately, this state shuts you off from your more creative, collaborative, innovative and generous being. Below the line is where you encounter that sense of drama, nothing is ever good enough and you feel disheartened and disempowered. All you want to do here is run, shut down any creative processing, and protect yourself. Below the line, beliefs driving your reactions will be centred around your story being ‘right’ and dismissing others, or the feeling that someone or something is threatening your desire for approval, control or security. In this state, you will deny you have any control over your circumstances (even though your intuitive in-built BS detector will be off the radar!).
When you are operating below the line, you may be feeling overwhelmed, seeing only problems and find yourself making statements such as ‘it’s not my fault’, or ‘I can’t’, ‘I’m trying’ and ‘they made me’. Rationally speaking, if everything ‘out there’ is the problem then you truly are in trouble – thank goodness this is only a state of mind and can easily be changed.
The Power of Positive Coaching
This is where positive coaching can help you. Instead of living in the world of blame, excuses and denial, what if you were to stop, take a breath and switch to ‘above the line’ thinking? The choice is yours. Here lies the realm of innovation, possibility, creativity, acceptance, growth, learning, generosity and action. The only difference to our friend running from the virtual sabre tooth? Attitude! When you are operating above the line, you take 100 per cent responsibility for your attitude and behaviour.
You choose to make lemonade when handed a lemon and the glass is certainly half full
For example, a work colleague makes a comment about your dress. On that particular day, your reaction sprouted up from below the line. You became defensive, angry and reactive – snapping at them for something rather banal. Any other day, you may have been able to laugh it off and think ‘so what if they don’t like it! I love my dress!’
What has changed?
Simply your attitude, driven by how you feel. Events happen around us constantly, but the meaning we put to them and how we respond makes these events either positive or negative – and that is where you have a choice. With a little mental coaching, it is easy to switch your thinking and change your mindset.
That said, don’t beat yourself up if you find your thoughts slipping below the line – we are all human. You can choose to permit yourself to go below the line for a moment and indulge in that juicy gossip or feel that frustration and blame bubbling up, everyone does it! The key is to recognise that when you go below the line nothing will get done – there are no solutions below the line.
Pull yourself back up and find a brighter, more creative and more compassionate way of looking at the situation.
So, the key to a successful life is to ask yourself ‘Am I operating above the line today?’
To living life – by design
PS: Does this resonate with you?
Are you a high-achieving professional woman who needs some guidance bringing your thinking back above the line? If this is you, and you are ready for personal growth and to start enjoying your life again. Book in for a Free Laser Focus Coaching Session to discuss what’s possible for you.